This past weekend, my son’s hockey team played in a big regional tournament. We looked forward to this tournament for months. Historically, our rink’s teams perform well enough to advance to a tournament in Canada. However, it turns out that we would have to lose to the top teams first and be relegated to a “B” division in order to earn our way to Canada. The “winners” bracket was competing to attend a big event in Detroit. If you think like me, it seems a bit backwards to set a goal that incorporates losing.
Collectively, we kept telling the boys that we wanted to go to Canada. People were already getting their passports together and the conversations were all geared toward that goal. When the tournament schedule was released– the news wasn’t good. There would be no “B” division this year. First place goes to Detroit and second place goes to Canada. Our boys would have to play the best of the best and let the chips fall where they may.
We had a great time and the boys played their hearts out. They won one game, but lost 3 games to some pretty impressive teams. I think I was more proud of my son during a 6-2 loss where he went scoreless than the game they won, where he scored twice. He competed and played with a tremendous amount of energy. They just performed better that day.
After it was all over, some people complained that one of the teams did not belong in the tournament. They argued that they were too good and that they should be competing at a higher level. Parents remarked that the kids should not feel bad because the other team was bigger and older. The inventory of excuses was pretty substantial.
I have witnessed some amazing things within the confines of youth hockey. The most prevalent and disturbing thing is an overall culture of excuse making. I have seen parents of the least skilled players demand that their kid be on the ice in the crucial moments of the game. I have seen parents tell their kid that poor play was the fault of the referee or the coach. In general, I have seen parents let their kids know that when things get tough, Mommy and Daddy will swoop in and fix it. Sometimes, I wonder if we have created a culture that demands nothing from us. Do we believe that others determine our fate? If things go wrong, did we have any culpability? On the contrary, when things go well, we are not bashful about taking credit.
I have no right to preach about parenting, but I can’t help but wonder if we are doing a great disservice to our kids and to ourselves. Sometimes, allowing people to stumble and fall is the greatest gift you can give them. Telling our kids that everything they ever did was great or making some sort of excuse for their marginal efforts only sets them up for future problems.
Life is tough. Sales is tough and these times call for backbone. People who point the finger at others for lack of performance are actually hurting themselves. Heck, we have all done it. I know I certainly have. The funny thing is that I can’t think of one time when I blamed other factors or did not take ownership for my own performance that it worked out for me. Success starts with taking responsibility and determining what you need to do to get better. Your success is your responsibility.
Warmest Regards,
Mark Potter
@markricepotter